Change, Change, Change

I am so excited for all the new opportunities God has in store for Mike & I! There is so much going on in our lives... but I can't spread the good news on blogger just yet... But I can talk about some of the emotions I'm struggling with through the transitions in our life.

God has a reason for everything. I truly believe that. It is not always easy to believe, but I know it must be true.  With that being said, we have definitely gone through the ringer the past 2 years.  For me, I have had some major changes that take much adapting to, moving to a new town farther away from my college friends, Mike's first full time youth ministry job, graduating from OBU, starting my first big kid job, and having to try to balance all the relationships in between.

Relationships change as people change, and their lives around them change.  There has been one relationship for me that has been very difficult to watch the change.  Mainly, because I desire it to be a closer relationship and that's not the case.  There are people that we feel we have shared our lives with, who know (or at least knew) our hearts and the fact that they are less interested in fostering a friendship is very difficult.  It's not from lack of me trying, there was a time where I was messaging this said friend on a weekly basis for about four months trying to get together.  Once it finally happened, but was more because I insisted.  I know that lives are busy, I totally get that.  I'm working on my masters, I'm working full time and I'm volunteering at the church about 10 hrs or so a week.  Believe me I understand busy, the kind of busy that makes you wanna sit and cry some days because you don't know how you can do it all.  And yet I still make time for my friends, and so does this old friend of mine.  The time being made just doesn't happen to be for me.  And that does hurt.  I being avoided, I get that. I don't get why, although I am suspect to think its due to the fact that there is a big life event coming up that I have not been asked to be actively involved in (I'm trying to be vague here, forgive me) and she doesn't know how to deal with that.  I'm okay w/ not having a large place in your event.  I don't need a title.  I'm not about people looking at me.  That's not who I am. I am about relationships.  And that is a relationship that I do miss.  I don't care if I'm the go to person, I don't care if we can't share everything, but wouldn't it be nice to share something?  I have mourned the relationship that used to be... It will not be that way again, too much has changed, too much has happened, life took place and we missed it! that's how life is sometimes, that doesn't mean that we still can't continue to be friends on some level, or does it?  My hubs tends to tell me how some of my friends are shallow and self-centered.  I used to think he was just a pessimist, but now I understand.  He's not saying that what we shared was not friendship and was not real.  But he is saying that maybe they're not healthy for me.  He's saying that it's time I accept them as who they are now, and maybe that is flaky.

But what about me what do I say?

I say life happens, and will continue to happen.  God understands changing times and schedules and I know that he will no doubt continue to place newer friendships in my life that are healthy. Where I can be me, and they can be them.  He has already blessed me greatly, the Lord has given me a wonderful best friend, a woman who allows me to vent, complain and cry.  She often serves as a Barnabas and as well as the one who will help me to see if from someone else's point of view rather than my own.  Five years ago had you asked me if this person would be my bestie, I would have had no clue who they were!  But after four years of knowing her and her family, who have in fact become an extension of the family Mike & I have created together, I know that the Lord knows exactly what I need in life.  And He is the supplier of all things great. And while some things look different and may have been difficult to walk through. I know I have been blessed with a great and wonderful life, exactly as God has always had planned!

Weekend!

I love Fridays and yet some days I hate them too... I love Fridays because I know the weekend is coming up. On Friday nights you can stay up as late as you want, you don't have to worry about working the next morning (most of the time anyway). Fridays are often the time when Hubs and I get to relax together (often with friends) and just de-stress from the crazy week we've had and then we wake up to the best day of the week Saturday! Now I know what some of you are thinking you're a pastor's wife (and yes I know that he's a youth pastor which according to some of you is different than a "real" pastor, but believe me my Hubs is a real as a pastor as they get!) so shouldn't Sunday be your favorite day. And in some ways it is, we get to spend time with our students (we teach the High School Sunday School class together), then worship together (although most of the time us worshipping together consists of Hubs preaching/teaching and me soaking up the amazing knowledge the Lord has shared with him), then its on to a crazy short afternoon break (that's what I call it) and four (ish) hours later we're back at the church!
(that's our church BTW) So that's where we spend the majority of our Sunday.

But Saturday, Saturday is often our Sabbath (yes I realize the Sabbath is actually Saturday), but I know for many Christians they treat Sunday as their Sabbath, but for me its Saturday. Saturdays are my day of rest. Since we spend a good part of Sunday teaching others, I try to use Saturday to truly rest. I try to spend a little bit of me time, mixed w/ some time w/ the Hubs, maybe a little time with friends and voila. I feel rejuvenated (yes I'm an ESFJ and you can see my extroversion as I get jazzed by being around others).

So what's up for this weekend? I'm so glad you were wondering, now I can share. As for today I will finish out my work day (I'm at lunch right now, thank you very much!) and then home to change clothes, get the Hubs, grab the chicken & veggies that have been marinating since last night and head to the Bestie's for kabobs & fried rice and some good 'ol relaxation! Saturday I will hopefully get the time (and motivation) to clean my house up some and then dinner with the home care group @ our church that has adopted Mike & I since we aren't able to participate in one due to us teaching. Sunday=church, which I do enjoy by the way....

So pics from this weekend and the recipe for the kabobs (if they turn out to be good) will all be posted soon!

Have a wonderful weekend all!

Patience

Oh the Lord loves to teach me patience, and in the end I love learning more about patience, but stometimes (like the present moment) I'm not so good with patience. I began to ponder this and wonder if in some way sthis is a generational problem. After all, I am so connected... I spend enough time at my computer (at work mainly), but I nearly always have my Blackberry on, and it's hard to find me w/o my Ipod. Sometimes we just need to pull back from all thats going on around us though.

This morning on my commute I realized about 15 minutes into my drive that the radio wasn't on. I had been sitting in silence thinking about things that were going on in life, praying when I suddenly thought, "Wow! It's really quite in hear. Oh wait, my radio's off". Today I decided to leave off the radio. I want to hear God's voice loudly in my life. But as I began to analyze sometimes there is so much chatter around us it is hard to hear God's voice and we need time to stop and to listen to that still Small voice. Oh what a joy it is to hear from the Lord! I am so thankful for the gift of the Holy Spirit in my life!

To end I'll tell you a little story from Sunday....
I was being impatient (as usual), but Sunday morning we had a youth service that was mainly song and then communion by ourselves at a time we decided (with offering done the same way) blended with scripture. I was singing my heart out to God (which means I was having a great time those around me might not have loved my pitch-iness (?) but whatever when I just felt the Lord direct me to Romans 5
"Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into his grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy spirit, whom he has given us"

God is using every situation in my life to develop my Godly character. He is teaching me perseverance and perhaps most comforting he always promises me hope and "hope does not disappoint".

God bless!

I've been a blogging slacker, yes I realize that. However, part of my slacking is due to the inability to express all that is going on right now. Wow! So much! And I'm not always the best at describing the emotions, and sometimes when I am I don't believe that these emotions should necessarily be put on the Internet for all to read. I have started following some bloggers who have this gift to describe everything and yet even with my ability to say so much. Not everything is always appropriate, but sometimes I wish I had that ability. So with all that being said!

March was a crazy busy month... It is by far one of my favorite months! There are like a bajillion birthdays of my friends&family in March (including my own) as well as spring break (which I didn't really get to participate in due to my new big kid job, boo!) and the first day of spring! The first day of spring disappointed me by snowing 6 inches, but other than that it was good. March also got to see the writing and turning in of my Research Methods paper, which I felt like I might not survive, but I did and as long as I passed, I don't really care. I loved my topic, and enjoyed reading about it, but HATED putting the paper together. Thus, you can all rest assured I will never be a research psychologist.

Our church (CCY) has hired a new senior pastor, although we are unsure of when he will actually come. We are praying that he has wonderful things in store for the church body and brings about a refreshing view of ministry.

On a totally separate note: Mike & I have been trying to eat healthier in an attempt to be healthier and loose some weight. Some of you may remember us doing our "poor man's weight watchers" and both lost a considerable amount of weight. Unfortunately, camp and various other things we stopped that and gained all of the extra weight back (and maybe a little more). While I enjoy being more conscious of what I putting into my body, neither of us have experienced the huge drop in weight like we had before. There are multiple reasons I'd like to get in better shape: weddings, beach vaca in Sept, wanting to eventually have a baby and be a cute pregnant lady (okay so I'm a little shallow at times, give me a brake, no one wants to be the person that people wonder are they pregnant or just getting fat). So I'm planning on really buckling down in order to get the results I want and today.... Today I WILL start working out. I think I'm typing this in hopes to have some invisible blog accountability. But I believe I can get in shape, and that I'll be a better person for it, I just need some motivation. So hopefully this will help.

Changing topics once again: I ask that you be praying for Mike & I. So maybe there's only 3 of you out there, but still. The Lord has been stirring our hearts and we are trying to decipher what exactly it is he wants us to do. Our desire has always been to follow God in whatever it is he wants us to do. So I know that this paragraph could not be more vague, but information will come in due time.

I am Rendy

Recently, I have been having these huge issues with people not getting my name correctly. For one people don't read, so they make themselves look silly. My name does not have an A in it, therefore it is not Randy, despite the fact that you think it seems to make more sense. My name is in fact Rendy, and while in the past I have debated using my middle name so that people would stop butchering my "yes it is on my birth certificate", and "yeah my mom really named me that" and "its really not that great of a story how I got my name" name. But I am Rendy. The name is part of my identity, it seems to embody part of my spirit somehow. Now, for some of you that seems weird, but when you have a name like mine, it takes a different feeling to it.

Last night, while in my Research Methods class I had a revelation of insight into my own life. Now, my professor, Dr. Limke, would probably be slightly surprised to hear that, as she is not a clinician as she reminds us frequently and last night she even shared her difficulty with empathy through a story. Nonetheless, a random in class assignment spurred me to have an aha (sp) moments of sorts.

My personal vent about my name for the last month has not been about my name, but about me, as a person. Okay so now you're confused, but let me explain it to you. I tend to think of myself in roles: the student, the Preventionist, the Youth minister's wife, daughter, sister, etc. Of course it often feels like the hardest of these is the youth minister's wife. And then it hit me last night, I love being the youth minister's wife (I love my husband dearly, and feel called to him and believe in his calling to ministry, in which I feel called to serve along side him). The part that I don't love is when other people forget to see me as Rendy first and the youth minister's wife second. I am a person, I too have my own job (in which I work 40 hrs/week as one of my 7th grade girls discovered last weekend, I do not get paid for the time I put in at the church, none of our volunteers do. Nonetheless, they often see me every time they see Mike (except @ school lunches) so it was quite surprising to her that I just spend time with them in my spare time). I have a personality (one that I would call quirky); I have opinions, large ones in fact even if you don't hear them it doesn't mean they are not there, simply that I realize I should not always share them; I have family; I have burdens, emotions and feelings. In short... I AM A PERSON. I am Rendy. And sometimes, just sometimes I get lost in other peoples idea of who I am.

I love all of the roles that I fill (although I will be excited for May 2011 when I can cross student off the list). But apart from the roles I just want to be me. I want people to see me for who I am: the good, the bad and the ugly. I want people to know that sometimes my humor can be off-color, that I love to laugh and when I find something really funny I laugh REALLY loud and sometimes start to squeak b/c I can't get enough air. I want people to see me, not the roles that I fill. See beyond the titles and ideas, see the person. I am Rendy.

Summit Camps

Summit Camps has made a lasting impression on my life. As an early teenager I truly experienced God and the love he has for me for the first time at Summit Camps in the summer of 2000. It was that summer, on August 1, 2000 that I have my life to Jesus Christ. While I am well aware that God can move in multiple places, He used Summit to not only introduce me to my Savior, but also as a place I was later discipled.

Starting the summer between my sophomore and junior year of High School I began to staff for Summit Camps. It was there that I learned much more about serving others and God's heart for his people. During the hottest southeastern OK sun, I realized that pointing others to the Son was more important to me. And that it was not always a glamorous thing: there's not much praise to be seen for the person who fills up the water jugs, but it's something that needs to be done in order to serve my brothers and sisters in Christ.

It was also at Summit Camps where I met some of my most influential mentors, who have become friends of mine now that I have entered into adulthood. These people have guided me, loved me, given me advice when I would not or could not speak to my own family. I was comforted and encouraged in the hard times. They have celebrated my marriage to a wonderful man of God with me, they have taught me lessons that only those who have walked with God for years often know. They have prayed over me, encouraged me as I try to minister to hurting world of students, and have been so unsure of how to do. These are my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Summit Camps is celebrating its 20 year this summer! I am so thankful for my opportunity to be involved in such a wonderful place for the 8 years. Now, as a Summit Camps Director I have been allowed to grow, stumble and watch the Lord move in amazing ways from an adult perspective at Summit.

If you have made it this far in my blog I want to ask you to do a few things.
1. Pray for Summit Camps: pray for our mission to bring students to a relationship with Christ and to see His will for their life revealed to them.
2.Pray for our new camp grounds that we are attempting to build. The Lord has given us a wonderful vision of the great things he would like Summit to continue to do through Him.
3.If Summit Camp has touched you in some way whether as an adult or a student attending any of our multiple events (summer camp, Fall retreat, marriage conferences, the Called Conference, etc) please let us at Summit Camps know, we would love to share your story with others. (http://www.summitcamps.com/templates/blankwh/details.asp?id=20970&PG=Contact&RecordType=&pkg=)
4. Pray about giving to our mission to bring students, families and individuals to know Christ.

For more information on Summit Camps go to www.summitcamps.com
To read our purpose go to http://www.summitcamps.com/templates/blankwh/details.asp?id=20970&PID=35640
To read our vision statement go to http://www.summitcamps.com/templates/blankwh/details.asp?id=20970&PID=45372

Am I Washed by the Blood or Just Washed in the Water?

I don't understand why I see so many "Christians" living lives that do not show the honor, power and glory of Jesus Christ. I put Christians in quotations because I would say that there are many people who profess Jesus as Savior but he is not their Lord. They do not have a personal relationship with him. As a new Kenny Chesney song puts it, "Am I washed in the blood or just washed in the water". This is the only conclusion that makes any sense whatsoever to me.

Why do I see so many Christians living defeated lives? Do we not serve the God who conquered the grave? Scriptures tell us that as Christians we are given the Holy Spirit (which is the seal of our salvation) and that we can do the impossible. We can do miracles because we have God living inside of us! Is that not amazing? (I hope that somewhat excites you, because it makes me overjoyed).

And yet even I am guilty of feeling exactly the way so many of us live, defeated. When I feel that way, the most important thing for me to do is to look at my life. Am I spending time with my Saviour? Am I listening to what he has to say? Am I praying for continued growth?

I desire to be broken over the sin in my life. I yearn to get rid of all the junk so that I can have more of Christ. I long to know my saviour and Lord more intimately every day. And in my opinion this is what is wrong with "Christians". The life lived has no substance. We are happy not sharing Christ with those around us. How can I tell the students I work with the need to share Jesus with their friends and those they're around if I myself am not doing it.

Lately, a burden that has been placed on my heart is the lack of conviction, remorse and at times any feeling whatsoever from the students that I see weekly. How can you sing of God's great love and mercy and then turn to your neighbor and talk? Don't we know that singing words to God that we don't mean in our hearts is taking the Lord's name in vain (It made the TOP 10 list people!). How do we as adults who love and care for those younger around us help them to see the importance of having a relationship with Jesus. Not just so they can be saved from the fiery pits of hell (when they are actually being saved from the wrath of God, not hell), but so that can live a life full of abundance! How do I teach students about the life of following Christ that is life to the fullest when so many Christians live a life that is not at all to the fullest that God desires from them. God's desires our bigger than ours, always. I pray that God can continue to teach me this difficult lesson and allow me to share it in a way that is accepted with others.