Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Change, Change, Change

I am so excited for all the new opportunities God has in store for Mike & I! There is so much going on in our lives... but I can't spread the good news on blogger just yet... But I can talk about some of the emotions I'm struggling with through the transitions in our life.

God has a reason for everything. I truly believe that. It is not always easy to believe, but I know it must be true.  With that being said, we have definitely gone through the ringer the past 2 years.  For me, I have had some major changes that take much adapting to, moving to a new town farther away from my college friends, Mike's first full time youth ministry job, graduating from OBU, starting my first big kid job, and having to try to balance all the relationships in between.

Relationships change as people change, and their lives around them change.  There has been one relationship for me that has been very difficult to watch the change.  Mainly, because I desire it to be a closer relationship and that's not the case.  There are people that we feel we have shared our lives with, who know (or at least knew) our hearts and the fact that they are less interested in fostering a friendship is very difficult.  It's not from lack of me trying, there was a time where I was messaging this said friend on a weekly basis for about four months trying to get together.  Once it finally happened, but was more because I insisted.  I know that lives are busy, I totally get that.  I'm working on my masters, I'm working full time and I'm volunteering at the church about 10 hrs or so a week.  Believe me I understand busy, the kind of busy that makes you wanna sit and cry some days because you don't know how you can do it all.  And yet I still make time for my friends, and so does this old friend of mine.  The time being made just doesn't happen to be for me.  And that does hurt.  I being avoided, I get that. I don't get why, although I am suspect to think its due to the fact that there is a big life event coming up that I have not been asked to be actively involved in (I'm trying to be vague here, forgive me) and she doesn't know how to deal with that.  I'm okay w/ not having a large place in your event.  I don't need a title.  I'm not about people looking at me.  That's not who I am. I am about relationships.  And that is a relationship that I do miss.  I don't care if I'm the go to person, I don't care if we can't share everything, but wouldn't it be nice to share something?  I have mourned the relationship that used to be... It will not be that way again, too much has changed, too much has happened, life took place and we missed it! that's how life is sometimes, that doesn't mean that we still can't continue to be friends on some level, or does it?  My hubs tends to tell me how some of my friends are shallow and self-centered.  I used to think he was just a pessimist, but now I understand.  He's not saying that what we shared was not friendship and was not real.  But he is saying that maybe they're not healthy for me.  He's saying that it's time I accept them as who they are now, and maybe that is flaky.

But what about me what do I say?

I say life happens, and will continue to happen.  God understands changing times and schedules and I know that he will no doubt continue to place newer friendships in my life that are healthy. Where I can be me, and they can be them.  He has already blessed me greatly, the Lord has given me a wonderful best friend, a woman who allows me to vent, complain and cry.  She often serves as a Barnabas and as well as the one who will help me to see if from someone else's point of view rather than my own.  Five years ago had you asked me if this person would be my bestie, I would have had no clue who they were!  But after four years of knowing her and her family, who have in fact become an extension of the family Mike & I have created together, I know that the Lord knows exactly what I need in life.  And He is the supplier of all things great. And while some things look different and may have been difficult to walk through. I know I have been blessed with a great and wonderful life, exactly as God has always had planned!