Blending two families to three?

I want to tread lightly when I write about our families, as not to hurt anyone's feelings. Lately Mike and I have been discussing our families (immediately in particular) in detail. I think one of the hardest parts of marriage is blending and becoming someone else's family, making a new family.

For those of you who know me very well, you probably know that my brother is one of my best friends and confidant, he always lets me vent about things that are going on and then gives me the "keep your head up", "go get 'em" or even the "it's time to get over it" pep talks. My mother and I talk 2 to 3 times a week, but keep up with each other, and email back and forth from our desks if we have stuff going on during the day. With that being said, my family has/is learning boundaries and attempting to let Mike and I create our own family. I think they are doing a pretty good job at it although they have struggled with it in the past. My dad and I talk, but are not super close and have not been since 2004. However, I still love him dearly and enjoy the rare times we are able to spend time together (the last of which was my wedding in July 2007). It is simply difficult to have a great relationship with someone who I have only seen four times since the fall of 2004. Wow! I didn't realize quite how long it has been, but we're coming up on three years. I wish that we had a closer relationship, but without going into all the messy details, we have things in the past that make it difficult for us to closeness. Also we only talk every two weeks or so via phone (except for the fact that he has now learned to text and sends me daily "Good morning" texts @ 10 my time). I have a big extended family that I don't always get to see frequently but enjoy greatly. My Nanny is my only grandparent still alive, so I love to get to spend time with her. I have a close relationship with a few of my aunts and cousin.

I say all of this to break down what I come from. Michael comes from a very different family, (but still good). His parents are still married, he has a younger brother & sister who are twins (I'm actually only 5 months older than them). His mom's mom has Alzheimer's and is now in an assisted living home and his Dad's mother lives in Yukon's own Spanish Cove. His mom is an only child, so no extra family there (weird for me) and his dad's family is not very close. Although much of the family lives in the Oklahoma City metro they only see each other around big holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas and the occasional summer holiday like the 4th of July or Labor Day). I often long to go visit my family in Antlers because I want to see my extended family, my Nanny, Kathy, Kristi, Kayden, Maci, etc. (Side note: I often see my mom and my brother once every month or two even if I don't go to Antlers).

I go through all of this to say, our families are vastly different. We are having to learn the quirks of one another's family. For me, one thing that was weird to me (and still at times is) is the way Michael's family is when someone comes over (I should insert here that my bro-in-laws friends are OFTEN at my in-laws) everyone goes into the living room, everyone talks and visits, dinners are eaten at the kitchen table together, where after we're done we sit and talk and then sometimes continue to talk, but simply move the visiting to the living room. Mike's family does not do that. It still kinda weirds me out, because as you can "see" I am a talker.

However, I am trying to learn to accept them for who they are, to be patient even when I feel people do not deserve it, to be loving, kind and most of all: to realize that I cannot make Michael's family my own, they will not do the things that I always desire, that is not their way. Nonetheless, Michael and I have the ability to make our new (third) family into the one that we desire. I do not expect it to be easy (although I wish it was) and the truth is, there may have to be times where I just disagree and keep my mouth shut.