I am Rendy

Recently, I have been having these huge issues with people not getting my name correctly. For one people don't read, so they make themselves look silly. My name does not have an A in it, therefore it is not Randy, despite the fact that you think it seems to make more sense. My name is in fact Rendy, and while in the past I have debated using my middle name so that people would stop butchering my "yes it is on my birth certificate", and "yeah my mom really named me that" and "its really not that great of a story how I got my name" name. But I am Rendy. The name is part of my identity, it seems to embody part of my spirit somehow. Now, for some of you that seems weird, but when you have a name like mine, it takes a different feeling to it.

Last night, while in my Research Methods class I had a revelation of insight into my own life. Now, my professor, Dr. Limke, would probably be slightly surprised to hear that, as she is not a clinician as she reminds us frequently and last night she even shared her difficulty with empathy through a story. Nonetheless, a random in class assignment spurred me to have an aha (sp) moments of sorts.

My personal vent about my name for the last month has not been about my name, but about me, as a person. Okay so now you're confused, but let me explain it to you. I tend to think of myself in roles: the student, the Preventionist, the Youth minister's wife, daughter, sister, etc. Of course it often feels like the hardest of these is the youth minister's wife. And then it hit me last night, I love being the youth minister's wife (I love my husband dearly, and feel called to him and believe in his calling to ministry, in which I feel called to serve along side him). The part that I don't love is when other people forget to see me as Rendy first and the youth minister's wife second. I am a person, I too have my own job (in which I work 40 hrs/week as one of my 7th grade girls discovered last weekend, I do not get paid for the time I put in at the church, none of our volunteers do. Nonetheless, they often see me every time they see Mike (except @ school lunches) so it was quite surprising to her that I just spend time with them in my spare time). I have a personality (one that I would call quirky); I have opinions, large ones in fact even if you don't hear them it doesn't mean they are not there, simply that I realize I should not always share them; I have family; I have burdens, emotions and feelings. In short... I AM A PERSON. I am Rendy. And sometimes, just sometimes I get lost in other peoples idea of who I am.

I love all of the roles that I fill (although I will be excited for May 2011 when I can cross student off the list). But apart from the roles I just want to be me. I want people to see me for who I am: the good, the bad and the ugly. I want people to know that sometimes my humor can be off-color, that I love to laugh and when I find something really funny I laugh REALLY loud and sometimes start to squeak b/c I can't get enough air. I want people to see me, not the roles that I fill. See beyond the titles and ideas, see the person. I am Rendy.